Name That Tune

I’m not exactly sure what the connection is between US Presidents and mattresses, but to celebrate President’s Day, mattress retailers across the state had sales. John and I were patriotically imitating Goldilocks, lying on mattresses and declaring, “This one’s too hard. This one’s too soft. This one’s too expensive!”

We finally settled on one that “was just right,” and got the paperwork completed with our saleslady, Sylvia. John pulled the pickup around to the store’s loading dock. We waited around, hands in pockets. After a few minutes, I started singing (or whining), “Sylvia’s mother says Sylvia’s busy, too busy to come to the phone.”

John laughed and joined in, “Sylvia’s mother says Sylvia’s tryin’ to start a new life of her own.”  Neither of us had heard that cheesy song in decades.

Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show on the Cover of the Rolling Stone.

When we got stumped on Sylvia’s mother’s last name, “Please Mrs. La-La, I just gotta talk to her” he turned the song into Please Come to Boston by Dave Loggins.  Then we debated which other cities the “ramblin’ boy” who wouldn’t settle down tried to convince his girlfriend to join him in.

That lead me croon Glenn Campbell’s “By the time I get to Phoenix, she’ll be rising. She’ll find the note I left hangin’ on the door.”

For a couple of days now, we’ve randomly started singing other songs that told a story, or made one pop up on YouTube. There were other cheesy ones: Pina Colada, Tell Laura I Love Her, Polk Salad Annie, 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, and Harper Valley PTA.There were rocker ones too: Roxanne, 867-5309 Jenny, Mary Jane’s Last Dance, and School’s Out for Summer. 

There were songs about life: the Shangri-Las’ Leader of the Pack, Elvis’ In the Ghetto, Bus Stop by the Hollies, Sheryl Crow’s Everyday is a Winding Road, and Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash. Harry Chapin told a story in a Taxi and warned parents in Cat’s in the Cradle. Bobbie Gentry painted pictures of the south with Ode to Billy Joe and Son of a Preacher Man. Maybe Elton John’s Levon and The Beatles’ Eleanor Rigby should have been introduced to each other.

Then there were the real tear-jerkers: Honey I Miss You by O.C. Smith, Springsteen’s The River, Brook Benton singing Rainy Night in Georgia. But the one that still tugs at my heart is Kenny Rogers’ Don’t Take Your Love to Town. The drum beat chugs on after he’d begged, “Oh Ruby, for God’s sake turn around,” so you knew that rotten Ruby took her love to town anyway.

There aren’t many songs now that tell a story. Offhand the only current artist I can think of who sings a good story, is John Mayer. He writes lyrics that ring true, like No Such Thing. We need more musicians who can “Sing us a song, you’re the piano man! Sing us a song tonight! Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody and you’ve got us feelin’ alright.”(Billy Joel)

Laura Keolanui Stark could burst into singing a golden oldie at any time. She can be reached at stark.laura.k@gmail.com.