Thinking My Random Thoughts

They usually pop up at strange moments, random thoughts and observations. Here are some of mine--some clumped together, some totally random.

You know it’s going to be a bad day when you put your sports bra on backwards. You won’t know that you were getting good at yoga until you quit and then try to start up again. I have a feeling that the number of hours I’ve spent exercising has exceeded the number of hours it’s extended my life expectancy.

Whenever my husband goes on a business trip, he’s gone on garbage day—and it’s recycling week. Huge windstorms always hit on garbage day.

I’ve lived here for 19 years now, and every year people tell me we’re having very unusual weather. Wonder when it will settle down to normal. When I moved here, I started mailing envelopes facedown so that the address wouldn’t get blurred by raindrops. I no longer hurry to get out of the rain. The coldest place on South Hill is at the Costco gas pumps.

If I buy a berry sundae at Costco and try to eat it while driving home, the traffic lights will be green the entire way. At a restaurant, the slowest eater will be the one whose food is delayed.

Whenever I make a mistake cutting out a quilt, it’s never that I’ve cut a piece too big, it’s always short. There’s a popular saying that “there are no quilt police.” That’s a lie. The quilt police want to know how many quilts you’ve made, and how long it took you. And they let you know that a wall-hanging doesn’t count, a true quilt has to be at least queen-sized. Quilt police are never quilters.

Cars break and children get sick on Friday nights of three-day weekends. Dogs, cats, and kids never throw up on the bare floor. They always choose the carpet.

If you want to see the ugly side of a potential mate, try navigating through a strange city together, and make sure you play Monopoly with him or her.

In my house magazines, books, laundry, and rubber bands reproduce rapidly overnight, but if you put a dollar bill near them to see if that will multiply, it just disappears.

At the crucial moment in a movie or a phone call, the dogs will start barking wildly as if an axe murderer is breaking the door down.

If a Christmas tree can easily ignite from electrical lights, why do I have so much trouble getting kindling and logs to catch on fire in the woodstove?

Whenever I slip and fall, I’m never alone, there’s always an audience. It’s probably payback because I always think it’s hilarious when someone else falls.

It’s easy to be obnoxious when you’re anonymous.

And finally, of course it was in the last place you looked. Who keeps on looking for something once they find it?

Laura Keolanui Stark is a freelance writer thinking deep thoughts. She can be reached at lkstark@yahoo.com. (Originally published in The Herald, www.puyallupherald.com as “Thinking my random thoughts” on 10/14/09.)

Do the Puyallup Fair

For a few weeks in September, all roads lead to the Puyallup Fair. Seems like once we start having more sunny days than rainy ones, every road in Puyallup and Pierce County is under construction. As aggravating as it is, it makes sense. Compared to other places I’ve lived, there aren’t many potholes here---amazing considering our rainy climate. But I think the true miracle is that all the orange signs, heavy equipment, and flaggers within a few miles of Puyallup magically disappear once the fair starts.

It reminds me of the cleaning frenzy that takes over our house whenever company’s coming, except that Puyallup doesn’t just throw everything into the laundry room, they actually get the roadwork done. Living here gives us an insider’s view. We see what our city and the fairgrounds look like before, during, and after “the party,” when our feet are back up on the coffee table and we’re reviewing how it went.

I usually enter something in the fair: a quilt, a cake, scones, etc. And, I’m usually one of the last entrants to scurry through the Gold gate, bringing my husband or a friend with me. It’s a little eerie in there before the fair with the food booths boarded up, empty walkways, and the inside of the Pavilion stripped down to bare walls and vacant display cases. It’s like seeing a model bare faced, and in sweats, great bone structure, but no sparkle. Two years ago, when my friend Carol and I went to enter our quilts, she drove her SUV in through the gate and then we spent a half an hour riding around 160 desolate acres searching for a way out of what seemed like The Twilight Zone.

What a contrast to when the fair’s going full tilt, packed with millions of people. It really does have something for everyone: rides for thrill seekers or young kids, farm animals and pets, foods ranging from meals to snacks, exhibits of farm produce and kitschy collections, entertainers performing on every corner, and smooth-talking salespeople demonstrating their products. The fair becomes its own city as Puyallup throws a party that’s safer and cleaner than Mardi Gras, way more family oriented than Vegas, and lots more affordable than Disney Land. Fair neighbors work their arm muscles waving people into parking lots that used to be their yards. Locals change their routine routes to avoid the traffic instead of construction.

My husband and I are looking forward to admiring the quilts, artwork, and photography in the Pavilion, buying the latest gadgets we’ve seen advertised on TV, and gorging ourselves on elephant ears, corn on the cob, and whatever else we can only get at the fair. We’ll even send dozens of scones across the state to homesick cougars at WSU.

I hope that you’ll join us at one of the biggest fairs in the country, right here in Puyallup. We’ve got everything spruced up for you.

Laura Keolanui Stark is probably in the scone line at the Puyallup Fair. She can be reached at lkstark@yahoo.com. (Originally published in The Herald, www.puyallupherald.com as “Do the Puyallup Fair,” on 9/16/09.)

College Readiness

Between us, my husband and I spent 16 years in college. Our son is in his 4^th year at WSU and our daughter is starting her freshman year in Pullman. Based on our experiences, here are some suggestions for the college-bound.

Basic life skills: Be able to wake up in time for class. Take daily showers. Those around you will appreciate it. Be able to do laundry without turning your underwear pink and know that a roll of quarters is equal to $10. Be able to cook a few basic things like grilled cheese, Top Ramen, brownies, and scrambled eggs. Never buy more groceries than you can transport. Don’t be embarrassed to ask questions or ask for help.

Specialized college life skills: Don’t forget to take your room key with you to the shower, and always lock your door behind you. Have your roommate’s cell phone number. Give it to your parents, and vice versa. If you take your car, avoid parking tickets. No car? Wear comfortable shoes. For a cold weather, bundle up, and if you slip on ice, try to land on your backpack unless your laptop’s in there. For hot weather, take a box fan and sunscreen, and drink lots of water. Rainy? Pull your hood up.

Academic skills: Don’t take more than 15 credit hours your first semester. Don’t lose your syllabus, in fact, make a few copies of it. You can buy blue books at the bookstore. Be able to study almost anywhere. Be able to talk to a professor. If you’re really struggling with a class, consider dropping it, but remember how many hours you need to remain a full time student.

Staying healthy: Know when you’re sick enough to go to the student health center, know how to schedule an appointment, and have your insurance card. Keep a few cans of chicken noodle soup and boxes of tissue on hand. Know how to take care of a sick roommate. Wash your hands a lot. Get a reasonable amount of sleep. Exercise regularly.

On handling money: Know how to find the balance of your bank account and meal plan. Know how to apply for scholarships. Know how to find, apply, and interview for a job. Be able to round up enough cash for pizza or any $40 emergency without calling home.

Social skills: Make friends beyond your roommate. Be able to have fun without drinking. Know how to get out of an uncomfortable situation safely and tactfully, but better yet, know how to not get into one to begin with. Especially for females, have a few trustworthy friends that you go to parties with and agree that none of you will leave without the others.

Traveling skills: Be able to drive, find a ride, or navigate through the airport to get home. If you’re riding with someone, offer them gas money. Be nice when you get home.

Lastly, don’t freak out, whatever you don’t know, you’ll learn, and isn’t that what college is all about?

Laura Keolanui Stark, a freelance writer, lives with three WSU Cougs. E-mail her at lkstark@yahoo.com. (Originally published in The Herald, www.puyallupherald.com as “Skills you’ll need in college,” on 8/26/09.)

What I Did All Day

My youngest will be leaving for college in less than a month, which is why I’ve been looking for a new job.

For the past 21 years, what I dreaded most about meeting people was when they inevitably asked, “Where do you work?” When I answered “I’m a stay-at-home mom,” they’d stammer, “Oh, what do you do all day?”

Nobody ever asked me that question when I had a full time, paying job. Some were just curious, but a lot asked because they thought being at home would be boring, or that I was lazy. It was implied that since I didn’t earn any money, what I did was worthless.

On the most basic level, I did the same things “working moms” do: cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, running errands. Pretty routine stuff.

But there were almost as many things outside the routine. Volunteering in my kids’ classrooms, I helped 1^st graders count and graph pumpkin seeds, and taught 4^th graders their times tables. On my daughter’s first day of kindergarten, I held one of her classmates on my lap consoling her while she cried about her parents’ divorce. I listened to kids read. I marched in parades with Girl Scouts and Jr. High bands. I chaperoned dances, and demonstrated how to cook Chow Funn in Life Issues class. I made a cover for the marimba at Emerald Ridge, and drove to Ellensburg for Solo and Ensemble contests. I taught my kids how to drive, and also helped some of their friends learn.

I made sure my kids got off to school on time, shuttled them to sports, music and scouting activitites. I attended every school play, music program, music competition, soccer and baseball game, scout meeting, and almost every field trip that they were ever in.

When my kids came home from school every day, I listened to how their day went, what they learned, what social drama went on. As they grew, I listened to their presentations on science, history, and English, and I listened to their thoughts about the world. I listened to them practice, and compose music. I’ve offered advice on how to get along with others, and do the right thing even when it was hard. We’ve talked, argued, and laughed a lot! They’ve grown up into responsible people who know how to think. They are well-loved and respected, and I still get a kick out of them.

Under job skills on my resume I’ll list: extreme flexibility, calm under pressure, ability to multi-task. Excellent listening skills, some counseling experience. Able to deal with immediate, demanding or mundane tasks while keeping long-term goals in vision. Ability to prioritize. Self-motivated, strong initiative, team player. Good sense of humor. First aid capabilities. Valid driver’s license.

“What I did all day” didn’t earn a paycheck, it wasn’t terribly exciting or impressive, but it was important, worthwhile, and rewarding. Its value was priceless. I have no regrets.

Laura Keolanui Stark, a soon-to-be retired stay-at-home mom and freelance writer can be reached at lkstark@yahoo.com. (Originally published in The Herald, www.puyallupherald.com on 8/5/09.)