Being a Mom Is a Two-Way Street

Before I became a mom, I thought one of the main requirements would be to bestow my wisdom to my children. Twenty years into this job, I realize that there has been a lot of transfer of knowledge, but surprisingly, tons of it has flowed from the kids to me. I’ve discovered strengths, adaptability, and talents I never knew I had.

For most of pre-motherhood I followed the rules, didn’t question authority much, avoided confrontation. I could stand up for myself, but usually only did so in extreme cases. On my report cards teachers consistently commented that I was so quiet they wished I’d speak up and share my thoughts with the class.

I found my voice when I became a mother. Within hours of giving birth, I was arguing with nurses about breast feeding. A few years later, I stormed into an x-ray room refusing to wait outside while they x-rayed my very upset toddler. During the junior high years, I almost got kicked out of a guidance counselor’s office for defending one of my children while my husband, a native New Yorker, sat calmly beside me. My kids were stunned, “Who would’ve ever thought that between you and dad, YOU would be the bad cop?”

Adaptation is an important evolutionary skill that also applies to motherhood. When she was four, my daughter saw an ad for Oil of Olay with a special anti-aging formula. She made a convincing argument that if I used it, I’d never age and therefore, never die. Adapt for eternal life? Count me in! I’ve found that I do like some hip-hop and can eat pepperoni-only pizzas for decades. My kids are teaching me to text, although I’ve been known to cheat by handing my phone to anyone who looks like they’re under age 20 and asking them to be my “textetary”.

My son recently pushed my competent, intermediate quilting ability to a new level. I wanted to make a quilt for his girlfriend who was leaving for college. I took them to a fabric store and told them to pick a quilt out of one of the multitude of quilting books. I overheard my son brag, “My mom can make any quilt you want.” They found a rare book about translating colors from nature into a quilt. They pointed to a picture of a gorgeous green art quilt with no instructions on how to make it. Their faces were full of great expectations.

It had been a long time, through the desert-like teenaged years, since I’d been put up high on the mom pedestal. I studied the picture. I sketched. I dug out the EQ-6 software that had been sitting unopened for a year. After much mouse clicking, fretting, and several ink cartridges, I cut, stitched, and sewed. Ta! Da! I had designed and made my first art quilt! All because they’d had absolute faith in me.

To all the other moms out there, believe in your kids the way they believe in you, keep growing, and have a Happy Mother’s Day!

Laura Keolanui Stark is proud to be Johnny and Sarah’s mom. She can be reached at lkstark@yahoo.com. (Originally published in The Herald, www.puyallupherald.com as “Being a mom is a two-way street, on 5/6/09.)